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This is a bit that the Cheshire Cat chewed up so it never got into the book. |
First move from Halton Council - "We would like a new bridge to remove a bottleneck, improve communication between Widnes and Runcorn, and boost the economy of Halton and the wider area." |
Second move from the Government - "We need all the money we can get for wars and MP's expenses and bailing out our friends, so you can't have a bridge, unless it is privately financed and tolled." |
Third move from Halton Council - "What a great idea. But if we do that then no one will use our nice new bridge, because drivers are perverse and they will continue to use the existing bridge despite the congestion." |
Fourth move from the Government - "Well, toll both bridges." |
Fifth move from Halton Council - "What, an even better idea!! But the approaches to and exits from the existing bridge are not suitable for tolling. If we do toll it anyway then there will be massive queues at the toll barriers." |
Sixth move from the Government - "Well close the existing bridge, or almost close it so that there are almost no vehicles going over it and you will be able to squeeze in a few toll booths somewhere. You can come up with some excuse like the bridge is falling down." |
Seventh move from the Council - "But, over half of the traffic going over the existing bridge is through traffic and it goes down the peripheral expressways, whereas the new bridge is aligned with the middle of Runcorn and would have to go down the Central Expressway through the middle of the residential area. A lot of traffic would end up at Junction 11A which does not exist!" |
Eighth move from the Government - "That's easy, just turn the Central Expressway into a motorway, no one will notice. You can also tell them that they will get "discounts" (burst of laughter is heard) - though they will have little idea of how high the tolls might be or how low the discounts might be. You could also try the dodge of only allowing them discounts on the old bridge which means that people will have to detour to get them and you can turn the whole of Runcorn into a dodgem ride." |
Ninth move from the Council - "Well, I suppose so, but our consultant fortune tellers have forecast that if we toll both bridges, there will actually be less traffic crossing the river than there is now and we will not get the economic and social benefits that we should have got from a new bridge." |
Tenth move from the Government - "This is even better than we hoped, you can tell everyone that that was the reason you were building the bridge in the first place - to stop people from crossing the river." |
Eleventh move from the Council - "Surely no one would fall for the idea of building a new bridge but saying that we want less people to cross the river?" |
Twelfth move from the Government - "Most people will fall for anything, so make sure that you hire some good PR firms, and supply lots of pretty pictures to the newspapers." |
Thirteenth move from the Council - "Are you sure that they will fall for this?" |
Fourteenth move from the Government - "You would be amazed what you can get away with and we can spin this process out for so long that everyone gets used to the idea and believes that it is inevitable. In the meantime we can double the cost of building a bridge." |
Final move from the Council - "OK. But of course we will have to apply to you for permission to do all this." |
Final move from the Government - "Yes." |
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